How I was mocked, betrayed over 16 years of barrenness – Anambra woman

Mrs Ifeyinwa and Mr Chinedu Ogbunyiba, with their baby. Photo: Temitope Adetunji.

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Mrs Ifeyinwa and Mr Chinedu Ogbunyiba, a Lagos-based couple from Anambra State, speak to TEMITOPE ADETUNJI about the delayed conception, a painful fibroid surgery, and societal pressure while they waited for 16 years to have a child

Can you walk us through how everything started?

I have experienced a journey that many couples endure in silence, one filled with hope, despair, and ultimately, joy. I am a businesswoman, originally from Anambra State, though I currently reside in Lagos.

I met my husband while we were undergraduates at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka campus. We were both studying Accountancy, and he was two years ahead of me. After graduating in 2005, he insisted on paying my bride price, which took place on January 6, 2006.

At the time, I was still in school, and we were focused on completing our education, so starting a family was not a priority.

We later had our church and traditional wedding on April 18, 2009. After that, we were hopeful to start a family, but what followed was a long 16-year journey of trials and challenges before finally welcoming our child.

Can you describe the emotions you experienced during this journey?

Looking back now, it’s almost unbelievable that 16 years passed before I became a mother. At the time, I never lost hope, though the emotional toll was immense. Month after month, I would anticipate a pregnancy, only to be met with disappointment.

We went from one hospital to the other seeking answers. Most doctors would tell me nothing was wrong, yet conception eluded us.

In 2013, after years of trying, a doctor suggested I undergo a myomectomy to remove fibroids, which might have been preventing pregnancy. I had the surgery in July 2013 while living in Enugu. Despite the procedure, conception did not happen, and the struggle continued.

During these years, I faced societal pressure, unsolicited advice and mockery. People would ask intrusive questions or make insensitive remarks. Friends suggested leaving my husband because of his absence, but I was steadfast.

I never considered leaving him. Even when he left for another woman for up to two years, I remained committed to our marriage and focused on hope and resilience.

What strategies helped you maintain faith and composure during such a challenging time in your marriage?

My husband left the house; he was involved with another woman, but he still supported me financially. If I requested an amount for my upkeep, he often sent much more than I asked. I was confused, but I took it in my stride.

I even confronted my husband about the other woman, and he initially denied it. Later, I learnt that the woman was pregnant, and my brother-in-law informed me that my husband was planning to marry her traditionally.

Despite the betrayal, I stayed strong and focused on what I could control. Eventually, the relationship with the other woman ended, and life gradually returned to normal; my husband came back to the house.

What was your experience like during the IVF process, and how did you cope with the challenge?

After many years, last year, my husband and I decided to pursue IVF. This time, we handed the journey over to the Holy Spirit before starting the procedure. The embryo transfer took place on February 15.

Two weeks later, the hospital confirmed I was pregnant. The news was exhilarating, the culmination of years of hope, effort, and prayers. I felt like the weight of 16 years had finally lifted.

However, the journey was far from over. By the seventh week, I began bleeding heavily, passing clots and lumps. It was terrifying, and my mind was flooded with fear of losing the pregnancy. The bleeding started on a Saturday, late in the afternoon, and continued all through Sunday. It was heavy and unabating.

We rushed to a nearby hospital that Saturday evening to receive medical attention. The doctor conducted a scan and said there was no heartbeat anymore.

He kept searching for any sign of life in my womb and didn’t see any. His report read “a blighted ovum” (an empty sac) and recommended evacuation, meaning the pregnancy was no more, according to his findings.

On second thought, he suggested we repeat the scan the next day somewhere else (he recommended a clinic) for a second opinion before the evacuation.

The next day, Sunday, my husband suggested we wait on the Lord and repeat the scan on Monday. Throughout that Sunday, the bleeding continued. My husband said I should stop looking at the blood and focus my sight on the baby I wanted to hold in my hands.

What was his action thereafter?

He called our fellowship brother, who prayed with us and repeated the same statement my husband had been saying to me, that I should focus on the baby I wanted to hold in my hands. I kept expressing fear because the blood kept flowing.

My husband called one of our fellowship sisters to talk with me woman-to-woman. The sister prayed with me and reiterated that I should focus on the baby I wanted to have. Yet, all through that Sunday, every symptom of pregnancy disappeared.

That was my longest day and longest night ever. On Monday morning, we returned to the IVF clinic for the ‘second opinion’ scan. On our way, something strange happened: the pregnancy signs and feelings came back with intense force.

When we got to the IVF clinic, the doctor immediately conducted a scan. He said, “Let me know the state of things there.’ (He was aware of the bleeding, the clots, and the lumps; we had sent pictures to him.)

Immediately he started the scan, he exclaimed, ‘Oga, come o… this is a clear heartbeat, and everything looks nice and clear. With the heavy bleeding and droppings, what’s happening here is beyond medical explanations.’

I was overjoyed. After 16 years, we finally had confirmation that our child was alive and thriving. The moment was amazing, emotional, and unforgettable.

Looking back, what lessons did you learn from this challenging journey?

This journey taught me resilience, patience, and the power of faith. There were times when despair was overwhelming, yet I never gave up. I learnt to navigate societal pressure, betrayal, and emotional exhaustion while remaining committed to my marriage and dreams of motherhood.

Even amid betrayal and hardship, I chose compassion over resentment. I remained strong through my husband’s absences and the challenges of IVF. Each difficulty strengthened my resolve and reinforced my belief that miracles can happen when you least expect them.

Today, I am a mother, and the joy is beyond words. After 16 years of waiting, enduring surgeries, emotional trials, and an IVF process, I now have my child. The journey was not easy, but it reaffirmed my faith in God and the power of hope.

Can you describe the moment you finally welcomed your baby?

It was truly the most beautiful and amazing moment of my life so far. When I heard the first cry, everything felt so real. The pregnancy itself was surprisingly smooth; I experienced no complications, no major discomforts.

Honestly, there were moments I didn’t even feel pregnant. People talk about the challenges of pregnancy at our age, but for me, it was a blessing from start to finish.

You mentioned that you waited 16 years. That means you were already in your 40s when you finally conceived?

Yes, I was in my 40s. Many would have thought it was impossible at that stage, but God had His perfect timing.

Looking back, what lessons did the waiting period teach you as a woman and as a wife?

The journey taught me a lot about patience, faith, and focus. Staying positive is key. When you have a specific goal, like conceiving, you must be deliberate and not allow distractions.

Challenges will come, and people may say hurtful things or try to discourage you, but if you keep your focus and trust God, eventually, things will fall into place. Time is part of the process.

How old is your baby now?

She just clocked one month old.

Congratulations! What message do you have for other women who still believe in God to have children?

My advice is simple: stay focused and stay on God. Know exactly what you want, and pursue it without being distracted. If medical attention is required, go to the right hospital immediately.

Don’t waste time moving from place to place without direction. Above all, trust God, He will perfect your situation. The key is to combine practical steps with faith because it is the grace of God that makes our endeavours successful.

My story is a testament to patience, resilience, and unwavering faith. For couples waiting for children, I want to say this: do not give up. Keep believing, keep praying, and seek medical solutions without losing hope.

Life can be unpredictable, but perseverance and faith can lead to miracles. After all these years, I am finally a mother, and nothing can ever take away the joy, gratitude, and fulfilment I feel today.

When you and your wife began the journey to conceive, how did you react to the delays?

There were moments I felt broken, seeing other couples, some even younger than us, having children, while we waited was challenging. The pain was real. But I chose to handle it with discipline and radical faith. I refused to let frustration or despair guide my decisions.

What kept you going during those difficult periods?

Faith and responsibility kept me going. Even when I wasn’t physically present at home, I ensured my responsibilities were met. I believe a serious man never abandons his duties, no matter the circumstances.

How did you feel the moment you learnt you were finally going to be a father?

I had already surrendered everything to God before we even began the process. We had a period of fellowship with the Holy Spirit, trusting that God would guide us. When my wife first tested at home, I had a sense it would be positive.

The confirmation at the hospital brought overwhelming joy. Words cannot fully describe the feeling. I was filled with gratitude, awe, and a deep sense of relief. No word or language of human ingenuity can adequately express what I felt. I can only say, ‘Thank you, Jesus.’ I can only shout, ‘Glooorrrry!’

How has becoming a father changed your perspective on life?

It changed everything. This was my first time truly witnessing the pregnancy process from start to finish. I attended all antenatal appointments, watched the baby develop from a tiny heartbeat to a growing life inside my wife’s womb.

It made me realise how precious life is, how miraculous human development is, and how carefully it must be protected. Life is fragile and valuable. This experience taught me to appreciate it fully and handle it with care and reverence.

Did this journey affect the way you see women and the process of childbirth?

Absolutely! Observing the physical, emotional, and psychological effort women go through during pregnancy made me realise how extraordinary the journey is. It’s not just nine months; it’s a miracle that demands respect. Every child born is a testament to resilience, faith, the human body’s capability and the wonders of the creative power of God.

What advice would you give to men going through long waiting periods for a child?

Get your medical records straight. Understand what is medically causing the delay. If one hospital or test says nothing is wrong, seek further assessments. Don’t assume it is not medical or rely on unverified advice.

Above all, seek guidance from the Holy Spirit. He can lead you to the right hospital, the right specialist, and ensure the correct diagnosis. Hand the process over to God and follow it constructively.

Avoid harmful concoctions or misleading treatments. At some point, my wife was offered herbal remedies that could have endangered her. I intervened and insisted we would only pursue scientifically verified treatments.

Protect your spouse at all costs. Combine medical action with faith. Medical science is a gift from God; it’s evidence of God’s wisdom in making our life here on earth easier and much better.

Persistence is key. We visited multiple hospitals before discovering that my wife had fibroid issues and that the first surgery she underwent was poorly executed. It was only after the correct procedure that we started the IVF process. Without proper follow-up and faith, we could have given up.

Stay patient, stay disciplined and take the right medical steps. Protect your spouse and handle her with care. Most importantly, trust God to guide the process. When faith and action meet, miracles happen. It may take years, but if you persevere, the reward is worth every tear and challenge.

In hindsight, what would you say was the most important factor in your journey?

Faith; yes, medical intervention was necessary, but faith guided every decision. Every test, every hospital visit, every treatment, all were accompanied by prayer and spiritual guidance. It was this combination of practical steps and unwavering trust in God that brought us our miracle.

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