Open the Door; Take a Stand, End Violence

Every year, when the world marks the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, we are reminded, almost painfully, of how far we still have to go. The theme may change, slogans refreshed, the hashtags may rotate, but the stories of women and girls who lose their lives to violence, in its many shapes and shadows, remain heartbreakingly the same.

A few days ago, while scrolling through X, I stumbled on a story that stopped me cold. An 18-year-old Dutch girl, bright, beautiful, young and full of the foolish bravery of adolescence, was allegedly killed by those who should have protected her most.

On the night before the murder, her brothers picked her up from a house in Rotterdam and drove her to a remote area, where she was bound, dragged and drowned in a river. Apparently, she was “behaving too Western” and chatting with boys. She also sometimes went out without a headscarf. She dressed like other girls her age, made choices about her life and for this, she lost everything.

As I read the details, my stomach tightened. But what struck me even more was a comment beneath the story: “Muslims have left the chat.” A quick dismissal. A sweeping condemnation. An easy way to distance the rest of society from the ugliness of what happened.

But violence against women, no matter the form, no matter the continent, and no matter the community where it occurs is not a “Muslim, Western  or foreign issue.” It is a human and societal issue. A collective failure and the moment we try to outsource blame, we lose the opportunity to confront the cultural and structural inequalities that enable this violence in the first place.

This is why we need the 16 Days of Activism, not for colourful banners or speeches but for truth-telling.

One thought kept echoing in my mind after reading about that young lady’s horrific death;

If she had been a man or an 18-year-old boy, chatting with girls, refusing to pray, defying religious expectations would he have been killed?

He might have been scolded. Beaten, maybe. Lectured for bringing “shame.” Threatened with discipline or sent to live with an uncle. But drowned? Bound and dragged and murdered?

Highly unlikely.

And until we are ready to confront this double standard, the unfair weight of honour placed on the behaviour, bodies, and choices of women, we will keep burying girls for “family reputation” while excusing men for the same behaviour.

Honour killings do not emerge out of nowhere. They grow from seeds planted deep into social norms. Nonsense talk of: a girl carries the dignity of the family, that her mistakes ruin generations, that her choices shame her parents, that her body is a battleground and that her voice is a threat.

Na only we waka come? Why does the man always carry the name of the family and yet it is the woman who bears the shame? Why cant the man carry both the name and shame??

If we raise boys believing their sins are forgivable but raise girls believing their mistakes are fatal, what kind of society are we building? Certainly not one rooted in justice, compassion, or equality.

I want to be extremely clear: honour killings are un-Islamic. Completely, unequivocally, without debate. No where in our holy book does it ask us to stone an adolescent girl or woman when she rejects the hijab or “chat with boys”.

There is no verse, no hadith, no scholarly opinion that justifies killing someone for “family honour.” Islam does not sanction private execution. Islam does not authorise parents or siblings to punish what they perceive as sin. Islam does not hand men the authority to play God over the bodies of women.

In fact, the Prophet (SAW) elevated the dignity and safety of women in a society that previously treated daughters as disposable. For readers who are unaware, the Arabs before the coming of Islam used to bury female babies alive. It was Islam that abolished the practice. Much like how Mary Slessor abolished the killing of twins.

Yet, it is important to recognise the fine distinction: while the act itself is un-Islamic, the cultural mindsets that enable it often thrive in societies where religion and tradition intertwine tightly. Many Muslim communities like many non-Muslim communities, struggle with patriarchal interpretations that place disproportionate moral weight on the behaviour of women.

Wicked people everywhere. Mtschew!

So, when people read that headline about the young Dutch girl (Her parents were Indian) and immediately attached the crime to Islam, I understood the reflex, but it was misguided. This violence is not born from religion. It comes from people who hide behind religion to justify control. If Islam was truly applied, the girl would still be alive, and the perpetrators would be held accountable.

The 16 Days of Activism call us to shine light on the darkest corners of our societies. And sometimes the darkest corners are not the streets at night, but the places we refuse to look.

The living rooms where daughters are silenced. The kitchens where wives walk on eggshells.

The schools where girls are blamed for the transgressions of boys. The mosques where boys are taught leadership and girls obedience. “Yi-nayi, bari-na bari” The police stations where women are asked, “What did you do to provoke him?” The courtrooms where perpetrators walk free. The homes where girls die quietly and are buried quietly because “it’s a family matter.”

We must talk about these things even if they are uncomfortable, especially because they are uncomfortable.

Activism is not only about marching and awareness days, it is fundamentally about truth telling and the truth is this;violence against women thrives where silence is the norm.

The death of that young lady in the Netherlands is not just a crime; it is a symptom, a symptom of a world where girls are punished for choices boys make with impunity. A world where control is masked as love, a world where shame is carried solely by women’s bodies.

This inequality is global. Whether it is a girl in Kano forced into marriage, a woman in Amsterdam drowned for disobedience, a teenager in India killed for choosing her partner, or a wife in London strangled during a dispute the root is the same;

women’s lives are not valued equally. That is the uncomfortable truth. And you cannot heal what you will not name.

For me, there has always been a simple truth, my life matters and therefore, so should yours as a woman.

Open the door, take a stand, end violence.

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