Marital abuse drove me to Iraq, but I suffered worse fate — Fashion designer, Tijani

Lagos-based fashion designer, Mrs Shakirat Tijani. Photo: Biodun Busari.

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Lagos-based fashion designer, Mrs Shakirat Tijani, tells BIODUN BUSARI how domestic challenges drove her to work as a house help and caregiver in Iraq

Tell us about yourself?

I am a fashion designer. I’m an indigene of Lagos. I was born at Ijegun, Alimosho Local Government Area. When my father passed away, I went to live with my aunt in Ibadan, Oyo State, because my mum is from there. I intended to further my studies for tertiary education. But after I sat the West African Secondary School Certificate Examination and the University Matriculation Examination, my aunt let me know she couldn’t sponsor me.

We lived close to the University of Ibadan. I thought I would be a UI student, but when I didn’t have anyone to fund my education, I resigned to fate and started helping her with trading. I was learning fashion design and still working as a salesgirl in a nearby shop.

Why did you leave Nigeria for Iraq?

I left because I had marital challenges. I was a victim of domestic violence. I met my husband in Ibadan. We got married and had a girl, but the marriage didn’t work. I didn’t really enjoy my matrimonial home. My husband started beating me. In my quest for succour, I reunited with my mum in Lagos.

Then, I was thinking of japa. I was searching for countries I could visit on a low budget. People mentioned Cairo, the capital of Egypt. After my mind was fixed on that, people began to advise me that it was prostitution that ladies do to survive in Cairo. I became confused.

Then, I met a travel agent on TikTok who advised me to go to Iraq instead. She said I could work as a house help or an adult caregiver in Iraq. I asked if there were options, but she said that unless I learnt how to do manicure and pedicure, which I did before leaving the country. I landed in Iraq on July 4, 2023.

Were you a content creator before leaving Nigeria?

Not really. I was just doing it for fun because of my marital challenges.

Did your agent educate you about Iraq before you travelled?

Yes, she told me. She told me after I complained about what I heard from people. Then, she opened up that it used to be a country of war and bomb explosions. When I told people about the country, people said a lot.

I researched the country myself, and I saw what was happening there. Some people said I would not live to spend the money I would make there. They said I would not survive, and that I would be dead in no time because it was a bad country.

But my agent said I had to make up my mind. She added that it was not by force to go to Iraq, and that I should think about it. But it was the easiest for me. I was tired of Nigeria at that time because of my predicament, so I told her I would go.

It was the same time that a viral video was being circulated about a lady sleeping with a dog. I think I commented on the video, or something, so the agent reached out to me and said there were legitimate jobs in other places.

She added that agents sponsored some people based on contracts, and they would pay them back when they arrived at their destinations. Even in terms of the contract, I learnt that the agent would collect the salary for one year and nine months out of two years of the contract in Cairo. But it was only four to six months in Iraq.

Are you saying it was your agent who was responsible for your expenses to Iraq?

Yes, she was responsible for everything after an agreement was reached. Although there were conditions attached to the contract. For me, I would pay her my first four months’ salary. Then, there was no chance of having a boyfriend, let alone getting married. There was no time for sex for those two years.

It was a two-year contract job, which means one can come back to Nigeria or renew it after that period. One would work and stay with one’s boss. I was determined to do it. My daughter was still small at that time, so I left her with my mother. I was not bothered about having sex because making money was on my mind.

What was your experience when you got to Iraq?

It was a bittersweet experience. Some of my moments of sadness were more than moments of happiness. But I survived because I was a strong woman. When I arrived at Baghdad with other girls, we were lodged in a big house. It was there that I realised that those agents were also working for the Iraqi Arabs in that country.

It was the Arabs who helped facilitate the jobs. They lodged and fed us. I met some people who had not got jobs for six months. We were like 40 ladies in the house. There was no male among us. So, I got my first job as a house help for a family.

The couple had seven children. I was employed to clean the house, but I didn’t even last a month with the job. We had people who got daily jobs. It was just like 9-5 here in Nigeria. They cleaned houses, schools, and companies, but not on contracts like living with the owners.

What made you quit the job in less than a month?

My contract was to clean the house. I thought it was an easy task, but it was not. It was a three-storey building, and I cleaned the floors and walls with soapy water. Later, I realised the children were maltreating me, and their mother wouldn’t caution them. They sent me on errands that were not in the agreement.

They might leave an object like a phone charger upstairs, and they would ask me to go upstairs and bring it for them. Meanwhile, it was upstairs that they came from. If I complained, their mum wouldn’t listen. The thing is that I washed the floors every day, whether it was dirty or not.

It wasn’t mopping, but washing. I did it every day. I also washed plates once in a while. There were some of my colleagues whose bosses gave them two to three hours of rest, but in my own case, my boss didn’t give me any rest. She would say I could only rest in the evening.

By the time I finished my job in the evening, I would be too tired to even bathe. I only ate and slept till the next day. Another thing was that I told them that I couldn’t eat their food because it irritated me, and they promised to buy Nigerian food for me, but when the contract started, they didn’t do it.

They would not let me have access to my phone to the extent that there was a time I missed calls from Nigeria when my daughter was sick. That got me upset when I got to my room. They were Muslims, but they wouldn’t let me observe my prayers.

When all these things happened, didn’t you have anyone to report to?

I called our office in Baghdad, and when they picked up the call, they only told me to endure. They said that making money everywhere is not easy, so I should just bear the pain. I started thinking about other options because I was not happy with the response.

The situation was not palatable. I knew that there was no way I would continue with such a contract for two years. I started regretting my decision. Eventually, I left that job. I didn’t wait till the end of the month before quitting.

Did they get another job for you?

Yes, they got me another contract job, but not immediately. I stayed without a job for two months. It was my next job where I worked as a caregiver. It was an old man who came to look for a caregiver for his aged wife. The woman should be around 62 years of age. I was not the one he came for that day, but I was just lucky.

That day, I went out for a daily job, so as I came in, I saw a car parked outside, and the old man was about to leave. The ladies present did not want to accept the offer because they did not like it.

I just came in, and our supervisor asked me if I would like to do it. I said I would give it a try. That was how I got the job. It became so easy because the man said he wanted a Muslim lady.

Why did the other ladies decline the contract?

Different people had what they wanted. Many of the ladies did not want the care job because it is stressful. Some complained about the smell when elderly people defecate. Then, there was the task of changing diapers for them. When they poo or pee, cleaning them is not easy; so many people run away from this.

What was your experience when you started the job?

I was taking care of the old woman; to bathe, feed, wash and change her diaper. She was the wife of the old man who hired me. I had to endure the terrible odour from the faeces and urine of the woman.

In that house, the old couple had three adult male children who also had their wives and children with them. But my assignment was with the old woman. The old man was nice, but one of his daughters-in-law became another thorn in my flesh. She didn’t like me. But the two other wives liked me.

It was one of their daughters, Azula, whom I was playing with on my TikTok video, and it went viral.  The children played with me. I would tell them about Nigeria. I let them know that if they misbehaved that I would beat them, although I did not.

Their mothers used to take them out before I came, but when I started working for them, they left them with me. It was through the play that I had much engagement on TikTok.

How much were you paid for your services?

I was paid $250 per month. They would give me food and accommodation. But I learnt they paid in their local currency, which is dinar.

Why did you not renew the contract when it expired?

Many things caused it. I used to sleep in the old woman’s room, but when I could not endure the stench from the early urine and faeces, I demanded my room. But the room they gave me did not have an air conditioner, and Iraq is known for hot temperatures. That was where the problem started.

I took my Nigerian innocence to Iraq, and it was turned to evil. One of the man’s daughters-in-law approached me when she wanted to travel for a back surgery in Jordan, that I should help her with her chores. I was supposed to collect money for that service, but because they were nice to me, I did not.

But when they returned from their vacation, she insisted I should continue handling the chores. I disagreed, and this caused a lot of rancour. There was a day that the whole thing escalated, and we fought.

The second woman also said I should be the one to cook. I refused, and this compounded my woes and enmity with the women. The old man’s children were working, but their wives were full-house wives.

Did you have any opportunity to go out around the city, or did you only stay indoors throughout?

I used to follow the old woman anywhere she was going, like visiting her children after one of them built his house and moved there. Later, I started staying indoors so I could rest whenever she went out.

How did you cope in the house without having a boyfriend?

It was a determination. It helped me to focus. I didn’t have a boyfriend or have sex for two years. I saw it as a part of the contract because a deal is a deal. That was what I signed for. There was no opportunity to see men. I can count the number of times I saw men in the house.

Before they would come back from work, I would go into my room. I mostly interacted with the daughters-in-law. I hardly saw their husbands. This reduced sexual molestation. Although some ladies did say they encountered sexual assault but it was not my own experience throughout my stay in Iraq.

Whenever technicians wanted to come to the house to fix any faulty thing, all the women would be in a room until they finished and left. It was the men who would attend to them.

Would you go back to Iraq if you see another opportunity?

No, I cannot go back to Iraq. All that I experienced over there cannot let me go there. I don’t even think I would go to any other place again.

I have business now, and my TikTok engagement has grown. I advertise for people on TikTok and get paid. I’m more of a social media influencer. I also sell jewellery.

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